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51
Discussions - Public / Re: Men's support forums
« Last post by unix on May 07, 2018, 05:46:02 pm »

As a multicultural kind of person but who has lived here most of his life, I've observed different cultures and how they deal with things.

When I got hit with divorce circa 2010, I struggled through it alone. Not my ex. She plugged into the entire Ruski-Amerikan kommunity in the DC area. Everyone. She badmouthed me at every single step. Her church, the doctor, music teacher, librarian, everyone. And she got "everyone" engaged against me.

We had a drastically different approach to things. With her approach being more effective. Initially. Eventually it backfired, with the minor son hating her guts with a passion for her hatred towards me. My son wants to have nothing to do with the master manipulator.

Watch the movie "Gone Girl" to get an idea of what I am dealing with.
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Discussions - Public / Re: Men's support forums
« Last post by unix on May 07, 2018, 05:40:03 pm »
Interesting thoughts. I have to reflect upon this to decide what I think. It kind of sounds reasonable on the surface.
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Discussions - Public / Re: Men's support forums
« Last post by The Gorn on May 07, 2018, 05:28:13 pm »
Most women are nothing like the harpies on the View.  Women will discuss feelings in depth, something most men will not do.  In a support forum environment, they can have a more sympathetic response because they're more in touch with the feeling side of life.  Feminists have a more SJW or pack mentality, but not all women are feminists.

Exactly what I'm saying is that women display a sort of "hive mind" social cohesion that men lack.

My experience differs a bit from yours. I'm thinking of the late 90s era "The View" cast with Barbara Walters, before massive political activism everywhere. I dated a gal back then that just ate up the view and its vibe.

When I think of the way most women who are open to each other socialize, I think of "The View". I suspect that is exactly what the producers of The View were going for. A universal adult female bonding vibe.

Remember the nut case that hounded me about the website last year? She was commisserating with two or more women from the same Facebook group who had decided I was unfair to them (each one of them was screwing me around on projects I did for each one.) She had apparently gathered what she considered a lot of ammo - pejorative gossip against me. I can almost see them in a group chat on Facebook affirming each other's hatred and contempt of me. Of course, most women's kaffe klatches are far more benign than that.

Women therefore can be mean in an extremely focused and OCD singled minded way by weaponizing that natural social cohesion. But, unlike men, lacking any rationality. 90% grievance and feeling - driven at the worst.

Women would be far more effective adversaries in argumentation if they could, on average, hold to logic and use facts as the basis for their argumentation.

But then, they would probably lose the blindly self righteousness driven aspect that characterizes angry group thinking women.

Sorry, I hold to what I said. You probably socialize with women who take a much higher ground and have higher than average intelligence.

I'm talking about the average in society.  The dumb assholes from the play-acting freelance copywriter group probably are about average.

I think some men don't like to show their softer side because they think it makes them look weak.  It doesn't.  Its sad for them that they can't allow themselves to show their emotion.  I've known a few men like that, as friends.  You would think by what they say, everything is great, except it isn't.  I know it, they know it, but they will not talk about it.

You are an exception, Gorn.  Unix too.  You're both able to talk about your feelings.

Uhhh. It HAS lead directly many times to my being persecuted in discussions, negotiations, etc for being weak.

Culturally, for men, a high level of coarseness and inability to empathize is directly correlated in society with appearance of strength.

That empathy has definitely never, ever worked to my advantage. Ever. I'd be happier today if I was a dumb stupid bastard like most middle aged men.
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Discussions - Public / Re: Men's support forums
« Last post by JoFrance on May 07, 2018, 05:04:40 pm »
Most women are nothing like the harpies on the View.  Women will discuss feelings in depth, something most men will not do.  In a support forum environment, they can have a more sympathetic response because they're more in touch with the feeling side of life.  Feminists have a more SJW or pack mentality, but not all women are feminists.

I think some men don't like to show their softer side because they think it makes them look weak.  It doesn't.  Its sad for them that they can't allow themselves to show their emotion.  I've known a few men like that, as friends.  You would think by what they say, everything is great, except it isn't.  I know it, they know it, but they will not talk about it.

You are an exception, Gorn.  Unix too.  You're both able to talk about your feelings.
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Discussions - Public / Tough school project? Just contract it out.
« Last post by I D Shukhov on May 07, 2018, 05:20:36 am »
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Discussions - Public / Re: Decline of Geek Online Discussion
« Last post by The Gorn on May 06, 2018, 05:30:05 pm »
My original post was about the profound lack of sociability of some geeks. A guy subscribes me to his lame dry mailing list but wants nothing to do with me personally.

It's rejection.

We ex-programmers and IT types are a weird type. We're like what Unix complains about with the lack of support in men's supposed support forums. Unless you do the EXACT thing I do, I am not in your tribe and I have no interest in what you're doing. None none none.

It's all about my interests, and your interests are stupid and irrelevant.

No, I cannot possibly understand how you make a living or what your considerations are. You write software for a living? Kill yourself. How stupid.

You should be listening to my story instead.

I don't think I can grow a community where everyone thinks like that.
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Discussions - Public / Re: Decline of Geek Online Discussion
« Last post by The Gorn on May 06, 2018, 05:05:17 pm »
The problem is people don't really want to talk about anything. For someone to put you on a mailing list and than not give you 2 minutes to take you off says to me MEGA DOUCHE.

I think this board is slowly dying. Not sure what the problem is any more.

I'm thinking at this point that rebooting this board or even trying to pivot as a career changer resource is a waste of time.

The problem I see in our age group (mid 40s and up) in technology people is extreme disengagement. Mental laziness, resignation, not having any focus, being content to molder, not planning anything. I see quite a bit of that with some in this crew here, frankly.

Endless debate and mental masturbation with no action - hallmarks of the lifer techie.

The lack of interest in topics on this board is due to the average technology person looking for a big fat $75/hr and up teat to suckle. No teat, no interest. We don't have high $ contracting to discuss any more. So nobody is interested.

I have one niece approaching 30 with no degree or much business experience, has had many "life problems" involving mumble mumble - you sure as hell would not respect her resume or her, uh, record.

And she is kicking ass as a commissioned furniture sales person and has a side business making floral arrangements for local weddings. She studies the videos of Gary Vaynerchuck for inspiration.

But our age group makes itself useless to ourselves and society through our nihilistic disengagement and expecting to find a perfect career or work-life balance.

I've had work friends my age who loosely fit the profile of members here, and slowly I stop calling them or attempting to socialize. One guy dropped out of programming 16 years ago when he was being harassed OTJ and slowly has lost his marbles... he's no fun to talk to because he's so disengaged, nothing is ever worth any effort to figure out or try for. Another guy, about my age, a tech writer, talked about freelancing, but he acts like setting up a fucking Paypal account is brain surgery he fully intends to get around to one day in a shining future.

It's genuinely depressing trying to inspire interest in people who have embraced giving up as a lifestyle.

If I were to replace this board with a page with a one line message it would say this:

You're a former techie and you're over 50 and jobless? Get off your ass and TRY SOMETHING already. Jesus!
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Discussions - Public / Re: Men's support forums
« Last post by The Gorn on May 06, 2018, 04:45:54 pm »
Unix nails a social ill 100%. I can't find any flaw with his observations. Quite astute. I think I D S. may have an excellent point about the forum or board culture but the overly critical attack shit is quite common on male dominated IT boards.

Women have a quite different dynamic of being cruel. They are loathe to do so in public (generally.) Women have a thing for public appearances and optics and appearing to stand for virtue and goodness and kindness, even when they are anything but. Their preferred method of attack is stealth, pack mode hunting, and conducted as a covert operation. Women are big into presumed "high ground" posturing, that they stand for some right thing that they must mass together to "fix". Women like to gang up in solidarity over some perceived ill. Example: "The View" members; most feminist studies SJWs.

I think the real problem in most societies is not enough "constructive androgyny". I'll try very hard any more to not let myself be triggered so I can figure out the best response to some crap. Most guys have to save face and constantly do the bullshit "haw haw, I am only into strength"  IQ of 10 approach. Being macho makes you look incredibly stupid.

I'm friendless (very few male friends) specifically because of the posturing and studied stupidity. I have some past work buddies and old school pals that today register to me as adolescent nitwits with absolutely no capability for personal growth. I've grown, they've stayed virtual age 17.

Unix, post on that "support group" how they are abjectly failing at their mission and what a bunch of fucking one dimensional morons they are. Then report back with the results.  >:D
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Discussions - Public / Re: Men's support forums
« Last post by unix on May 06, 2018, 03:54:13 pm »
I found a bunch of groups on facebook but they are all not geared towards question/answer format and then the stuff I post will be visible to everyone.
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Discussions - Public / Re: Men's support forums
« Last post by I D Shukhov on May 06, 2018, 03:18:23 pm »
There must be a lot of these forums.  Maybe another one would have a more supportive culture.  If you try some others and they're all unfriendly then maybe something F2F, like Meetup, might be better.

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